on failing.

What does it mean to fail?

On the day of finals, my students and I watched this great PBS nova movie on the Curiosity Mission. Part of the movie was about testing that was done on the parachute. I had no idea that the first parachute test was terrible. .Terrible might not even be a terrible enough word. You can watch the segment here: http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/space/ultimate-mars-challenge.html  at around 14:45. What struck me most though, was not how upset the failure made the scientists, it was that they tried the parachute again and again and again and got more and more upset every time it worked. What? The only time cheering happened was on the test when it failed again. Why? Because collecting data from a failure helps you understand why it failed and make sure the conditions that caused the failure don’t happen again.

I’ve been sitting on this idea for awhile now, and I thought I would finally try to put it into words. Curiosity was only the first thing that got me really thinking about failure. Then this tweet came along:

@SolutionTree RT @jdsnwg: NASA scientist leading PD states that in his work they get criticized for not failing. Language used "failing forward."

I’m not sure who the scientist was, or what the Professional Development was about, but there it is, again. Failure can be used for good. Failure is necessary.

Then, my Sunday night routine for the past few months of watching Cosmos hit me with the truth about failure, yet again. Neil deGrasse Tyson – with his awesome voice – said:

“Failure is an excuse to work harder, not an excuse to abandon …pursuits.”

 “If you aren’t failing somewhere in your life you aren’t moving a frontier in your life.”

Another view of failure being something that motivates, something that inspires, something that makes you want to be better.

I’ve been thinking about failure so much lately for some personal reasons. I’ve had 3 failures recently, in the form of rejection emails for programs or opportunities I really wanted to be involved in. First, the rejection email came from the Lunar and Planetary institute that I wasn’t accepted into the EXMASS research program for my students: http://www.lpi.usra.edu/exploration/education/hsResearch/. Then, I got an email that I didn’t get chosen to attend the celebration of the 10^th anniversary of Honeywell Space Camp for educators (I knew it was a long shot- hundreds of applications, only 10 spots). Since I’ve been to Huntsville for one reason or another the past 3 summers, it was disappointing. I really love Huntsville, and for some reason feel like it’s somewhere I belong… at least for a few days every year.  The most recent rejection was for the internship I had last summer. I applied again with what I thought was an even better resume, but it was a no this time. This one felt the worst  because I feel my rejection has something to do with what I did last year. Logically, I think it’s just because they wanted someone different. Personally, I feel that I didn’t do a good job.

I’m a reasonable person, and I know there are a lot of places where I shouldn’t feel like I’m failing. It’s just been difficult these past few weeks because I’ve constantly been reminded of my failure every time someone asked me if I was going back to NASA this summer. Just a few hours ago, I had texts from 2 different co-workers who assumed I was working there and sent shocked texts right back (the text literally read: “WHAAAT????? No NASA???”) when I told them I wasn’t there. I guess I should take it as a compliment that it’s assumed I’m doing awesome things, but it’s disappointing that I’m not. (On a related note, I do have a summer job that's paying me well.)

But enough about me. What about our students? I’ve been thinking about students and failure for awhile now, thanks in part to an amazing  co-worker who is shaking things up with big ideas. If you haven’t seen his TED talk yet- http://youtu.be/BnC6IABJXOI -definitely worth 17 of your minutes. But if I as a teacher, an adult, a reasonably smart person has been feeling a sense of failure for the past few weeks, what are we doing to these students? Third graders? High schoolers? How do expect them to keep coming back for 180 days a year to take tests they know they are going to fail -sometimes fail again? The standardized tests are written so a certain number of students will not pass. Our teacher evaluation is based on test scores… do you  see a problem already? I do.

How do you see failure? Necessary or evil? Helpful or harmful? Motivational or destructive? What does it really mean to fail?